This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
