someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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