It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
