just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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