when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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