I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
