I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
