I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
