I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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