we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
