The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
