my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
