My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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