Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
