Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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