My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
