I just made out with a guy for $7.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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