I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
