Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
