yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
