Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
