I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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