bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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