woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
