Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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