I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
