I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
