he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
