did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
