i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
