I want to walk on stilts...naked
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
