I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
