you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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