i just sent this text using only my big toe
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
