Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
