Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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