all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
