I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
