How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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