We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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