i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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