My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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