i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
