Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
