so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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