I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
