Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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