It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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