omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
