I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
