Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
