so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
