I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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