I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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