Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
